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May 8th, 2009
02:39 pm - Read all about it
Swine Fever. A fictional disease affecting pigs but does not pose any threat to humans. Two days ago I opened an exam to find that Italy was banning imports of UK and German-origin pigs and putting restrictions on pork meat (not really). I understand the paper was written a while back, before everyone was worrying themselves into an early grave about Swine Flu, so it was just a wonderful coincidence.
Ah yes. Swine Flu. Nostradamus predicted the end of the world will come in 2012, so maybe this is armageddon coming. In all fairness Nostradamus predicted the end of the world in 2000 too. And 1980. And 1896. And most years that are made up of some numbers. Nothing to worry about then. Best that the media don't run us all up into some major panic.
The media is running us all up into some major panic.
There's no news better than bad news. And there's no bad news that cant be amplified by a liberal helping of scaremongering. It helps to know your audience of course; I once picked up a copy of the Daily Mail and found the first nine pages all had a story on them somehow linked to foreigners ruining the country or being nasty asylum-seeking trouble-makers. It's not presented quite so obviously (although sometimes it is), but the nasty undercurrent is there. It sells. And of course it's not just one paper, it's all of them. Perhaps one day the Express might issue a front page without mention of Diana. Or maybe the world would end.
Knowing the audience is just the media version of knowing your customers. Give people what they want and they'll... well, they'll want it. Enough to buy it (the newspaper, that is, but often as not they'll buy the story too). What people don't want is to know the world is fine and there's nothing to worry about. You can't talk to someone at a bus stop, launderette or transport café about how the flowers are going to be 70% more beautiful this summer and nobody is getting stabbed in Ashby-de-la-Zouch. It's boring.
On the other hand you can talk to anyone about money troubles, violent crime, earth-killing diseases and the fact that such and such a star was caught with some part of his or her body out in public. All bar the "wardrobe malfunction" are bad news items.
The trouble is that the story may be fairly tame. So it's important to ramp up the horror in order to make the more sensational. Perhaps a single study of a handful of people has shown that they had autism and had the MMR vaccine. It doesn't matter that it isn't conclusive, and it doesn't matter that an extraordinary number of other studies can find no link. Print the story: MMR causes Autism. Fact.
It's tremendous, that last example. The story was enough to stop thousands of children being administered the MMR jab. It's entirely possible that there may be an outbreak of Measles, Mumps or Rubella affecting a sufficient number of children in the UK to be worrying. And of course where there's worry, there's news. Another fantastic copy-selling piece for sometime in the future.
It's not just the print media of course. Long gone are the days when the Television News was read to you by a man at a desk without emotion. Or pictures. Or graphics. Or colour. Now we need, apparently, to have multimedia presentations of just how bad things could get shoved down our throats. And I don't need a photograph of a banker on the screen when being told there is a banking crisis, thanks.
Sometimes it just goes beyond silly. Recently there was, as far as I can tell, a party in London. Some hippies set up some kind of camp. Some celebrities shook the hands of a policeman in downing street, while others found even more fun things to occupy their time. Fun enough to miss group photos, for example. Humour aside there some contentious issues. The method of policing or the actions of some elements of the Force, for example. It was largely peaceful, though, but for some smashed windows.
Ah the smashed windows. A handful of angry people taking down the establishment one pane at a time. While a hundred photographers took pictures. It needn't even be said, but the media is always looking for that big story. Even if it's small. THis leads me onto the best thing I saw within the 24 hour spoon-fed sensationalist coverage. A roving reporter had found Russell Brand in the crowd and asked him what he was angry about. "I'm not angry," was the reply. A little knocked back the reporter continued and asked why he was there. The reply was perfect. "I live here."
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April 26th, 2009
05:00 pm - Caged
I'm up to my elbows in case law and statutes and I think i'm going mad. Seriously.
And it's far too sunny outside.
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January 24th, 2008
05:26 pm - That Friday feeling?
I was out the other night, catching up with people I hadn't seen for a little while, and the evening started in a bar absolutely full of recruitment consultants. What struck me was that they all seem to conform to my idea of how such a professional would be. It was as if i'd stepped into a bar full of actors, all playing recruitment consultants. I should mention that one of said friends is an RC himself, so I did have a reason to be among such company (the other has quite a different job indeed). I'm assuming that you probably all know some, since it seems to be the most advertised career in the world, so is it true? Are they all constructed from essentially the same stock?
Actually, when you think about it, career type-casting is all over the place. I guess that for any particular set of tasks there must be a certain way of working that gets in done with the minimum of fuss, and so everyone working in that particular field tends to align themselves with that.
While i'm on the subject of the other night, how come that on a friday night in London there was nowhere to go that really captivated our attention? I have never been stuck for somewhere to go in town before, least of all at the weekend. But it seemed that everywhere we tried was just a bit boring and empty, or worse full and lifeless. Ended up in Islington in a generic wine bar. Then again, it's not where you are, but the company you're keeping.
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July 6th, 2006
06:17 pm - Television melts the brain! Do crosswords instead!
The best (worst?) thing about being house-bound is that one generally has nothing to do. Which isn't as bad as it sounds. Television helps, Crossword-Puzzle-Related-Magazines pass the time (and keep the ol' brain ticking over), and obviously the Internet makes good company. I expect that somewhere online is some sort of community for recovering patients after surgery... Anyway, it does mean i'm writing a lot, and that keeps the critics happy.
It is annoying though, to sit before a screen for too long without anything meaningful to say, though i do take your point that i've never actually said anything meaningful before. The point stands, what exactly is one to write about when nothing comes to mind?
Let's stick to what we know. Last night, television happened. As is often the case when i'm recovering from something (which is, i'm glad to say, a rare state for myself to have to be in), i found myself sprawled upon the couch, with the fantastic appliance beaming its message right through the front of my eyes and ears. Some of it even made it to my brain.
It is worth mentioning, obvious though it may be, that very strange nature of the number of channels available to the average viewer today. Subscribe to cable or satellite and there's a humongous variety of channels to watch. Except there isn't, really. Everything is repeated, reproduced or reprocessed, leaving a somewhat monotonous viewing. It's hardly what i'd call plurality.
Nevertheless, careful use of the digits of your remote hand (it's what modern fingers are for, pushing buttons), a whole night can be wasted sitting before the box without too much frustration. A truly modern skill this, and a very necessary learning process in today's society.
( Here's what happened )
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July 5th, 2006
06:12 pm - Language, News and "The Hoff"
"But I also want to have - be, the President that protects the right of, of people to, to have arms. And that - so you don't go so far that the legitimate rights on some legislation are, are, you know, impinged on."
George Bush there, speaking on his not supporting a proposed ban on semi-automatic weapons. That's the former President of the United States rather than the current one, and was recorded while he was still in office (and I was rather younger than I am today). I'm not making any statement in particular here, i just like the idea that so many of the most important people in world politics can be so inelegant and rambling. It's just funny, and yet not entirely inspiring of confidence.
I actually lifted that from Mother Tongue, by Bill Bryson, a book that I had not read for quite some years now. I looked at it again today, and it does make interesting reading, though not wholly accurate (to suggest Talk and Pork rhyme to a Cockney-speaker is fine, but on no account is it true to say that both also rhyme with Soak). Generally, i recommend it, even if it is just to read the chapter on swearing, which is always fun.
In other, more serious news, much of the world has condemned North Korea for test-firing a series of missiles, one of which is thought to be capable of reaching the US. Two Italian intelligence officers have been arrested over the alleged CIA kidnapping of a terror suspect from Milan in 2003. Also Joel Smith, accused of murdering a seven-year-old girl was caught because public outrage at the death compelled witnesses to come forward.
And yet, despite all of these important and somewhat gloomy stories, the most important bite of news i can relay is that (apparently) David Hasselhoff had to be removed from the Wimbledon Tennis Championships because he was drunk. Now this is just rumour it seems, as Security Officials "knew nothing" about such claims, but i can actively disprove it once-and-for-all: Hasselhoff has spent the last few weeks in Germany, keeping goal for the national squad under an assumed identity. He is believed be calling himself Jens.
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July 2nd, 2006
09:41 pm - two
Cheating is a part of sport more than ever. Consider the drug probe in Spain (Operation Puerta) that has already named around fifty-six cyclists, causing the Astana-Wurth team to withdraw all its riders from the Tour de France after five of its members were shamed. It is expected that there will be more drama concerning footballers, tennis players and athletes as the investigation continues into the blood doping scandal. And remember Michael Schumacher's outrageous "accident" in Monaco that prevented any usurper taking pole position from him. Granted in the event the plan failed, after a lengthy enquiry, but the idea was still at once scandalous and brilliant.
The truth is that cheating is now, for many, a valid means to the end. To win, you must have an advantage over your opposition. Where the playing field becomes too level, bending or breaking the rules allows the game to change. We can apply this logic to the World Cup, nearing its climax as we speak. Of the four teams left standing, each has resorted to cheating in various degrees at some stage of the competition.
This is clearly a controversial statement to make, but between these four European Squads there has been a multitude of underhand tactics employed to gain the edge. Asking the referee to produce a yellow card is one (Germany). Diving produces a similar effect (France and Portugal are both equally guilty of this particular crime). Finally, let us shame Italy, whose cheating is well documented and was exposed and punished with a healthy ban (Daniele de Rossi).
Obviously there aren't just four culprits in these crimes, each nation has employed dubious measures to varying degrees throughout the tournament. It is my opinion that the most guilty group wore orange, and perhaps the outcome of their last match reflected this. On the other hand, for all the rough-tough reputations that follow in the wake of certain members of the English squad, we were perhaps one of the less blatant offenders.
Let's just clear up the issue here. To foul is to cheat, that stands to reason. You play the man and not the ball, you run the risk of conceding a free kick (or perhaps a worse punishment). Should you do this on purpose you are, by definition, a cheater. Worse still is diving. If you foul someone, you may be cheating yourself. If you dive, you are plainly cheating your opponent. Card-waving is equally disgusting.
Bias clouds judgement, and almost all of the population of England suffers from this particular phenomenon at these times. But i still maintain that ours was a squad not accustomed to the higher levels of cheating in football as explained above. Did this put us in a more disadvantaged position?
Maybe so. Though it would be churlish and simply wrong to suggest that that is why we are no longer in the trophy hunt. Failures of tactics and leadership, along with a distinct lack of togetherness, probably remain the diseases that killed our chances. Cheating was irrelevant (and some would argue that it counted against us, with regards the incident involving a Mr Wayne Rooney).
So where do we go from here? The remedy is management, and with Sven-Goran Eriksson gone, changes are afoot. The obvious problem is that his replacement has worked under him in the set-up for years. More of the same? Perhaps, but then we could always sign Michael Schumacher as our next coach.
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June 4th, 2006
06:26 pm
So it's a bad news time at Highbury (or, if you prefer, Emirates Stadium). On the back of that collapse against Barcelona in Paris last month, BBC Newsnight seemed to uncover a possible breaking of FIFA rules regarding payments and control of other clubs. Arsenal made payments of one million pounds to a small Belgian club (and formerly debt-ridden), Beveren. Obviously both clubs are now adamant that no rules have been broken, and perhaps this is true, though the copy book has already been blotted.
Meanwhile, other rumours suggest that the club is about to take legal action against Ashley Cole, (current) first choice left-back and England International. Consider that Mr Cole is about to release an Autobiography and complete the story for yourselves.
Finally, consider that the Premier League have just voted Arsenal Vice-Chairman David Dein off the FA board after criticism of the way he handled the election of the successor to Sven-Goran Eriksson. It's a victory for Manchester United over Arsenal once more, as his replacement is David Gill, the Chief Executive of the club.
What next?
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February 21st, 2006
11:48 pm - Playing 82 minutes of football per match since 1892
Same old story. Suffice to say that i made two predictions before today's round. Consider the first: that Liverpool would lose a game that would yield only a single goal to entertain the crowd. Lo and behold, the final result from Estádio da Luz was such, Benfica 1 Liverpool 0.
Hugely disappointing, not least because there was certainly some degree of control over the game exercised by the team in white (the Portuguese home team being the Reds on this occasion). What is much more worrying is the nature of the conceded goal. Once more, an innocuous free kick converted via the head of a centre-half in the last stages of a game. For Rio Ferdinand, read Luizao. For Manchester United read Benfica. And for struggling for second place, read fighting to remain Champions of Europe. As i've countless times mentioned previously on these pages, the serious lack of a cutting edge up top defines these results. Mr Fowler tries, less convincing is Fernando Morientes. Twelve games goalless is depressing for an often first choice centre-forward, specifically one not long ago held in very high regard indeed.
Lastly, mention of Momo Sissoko, who spends tonight in hospital having been unceremoniously kicked in the eye (not the intended procedure, i hasten to add). Get well soon.
What of the other prediction, then? It was Arsenal to beat Real Madrid of course. Unlike all those who are convinced Arsenal played the game of their life, i am of the opinion that it was a Real Madrid loss rather than an away side win. That said, an individual masterpiece from Thierry Henry was the separating factor.
Two other games were played in the competition today. Michael Ballack put home side Bayern Munich one goal up in what may prove to be his last season in Germany, only to see Andriy Shevchenko equalise for AC Milan from the very place he has both won and lost the competition, being the penalty spot. In the final tie, PSV lost at home in a manner that so many before have fallen to Lyon when Juninho's superb freekick deceived goalkeeper Gomes. Not even superbly named striker Jan Venegoor of Hesselink could change things...
Finally, and most strangely, i have worked out exactly why the Eurofighter Typhoon is such an appealing design. Simply put, it's exactly how i imagined a jet plane to be when i was a much younger lad. Pandering to the mind of prepubescence, it will get you anywhere!
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February 5th, 2006
08:52 pm
Chelsea 2 Liverpool 0
Expected this. I'm starting to accept that perhaps the Liverpool team is actually one of the strongest in the League, but that doesn't remove that one fundamental problem - the lack of a goalscorer. Championships are won from the back, maybe, but by the same token you can't win a game unless you score. And when scoring only really comes from the midfield, you might need to defend more resolutely than you might expect. Something we have become used to.
Nevertheless, one point from nine is poor. Worse still is scoring just a single goal in three matches. Look closer, and the scorer was Steven Gerrard. Midfield goalscorer, point proven. Looking at the forward options, it's clear that Peter Crouch (overpriced but useful) can't do the job alone. Fowler could be part of the answer. Djibril Cisse must be looking elsewhere again, and perahps that's no bad thing. Morientes is some way off the pace. People like to comment about Michael Owen. The simple fact is that he was too expensive. The next forward Rafa Benitez signs is the key. Either way, someone needs to go, because Goalscorers aint cheap.
Meanwhile, let me moan about 4-5-1. This match was arguably more important to the away side, with Chelsea comfortable and Liverpool having to chase. To keep the title hopes (barely) alive, a win was a must. This formation is not the way to get it. It's defensive and pessimistic. It doesn't score goals.
I only hope the Pittsburgh Steelers fare better.
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January 12th, 2006
04:15 pm
Via elingail...
TELL ME ABOUT YOU
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:
5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my lj:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13. best album of 2005:
14. where would you take me/where would you like me to take you on a date:
RECOMMEND
1. a film:
2. a book:
3. a band, a song and an album:
PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
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January 7th, 2006
07:43 pm
What a game! Hard to watch, yes, but impossible not to.
1 debatable penalty (missed)
1 ridiculous penalty (not missed)
8 fantastic goals
1 Stevie G falling over in the post match interview
Best game this year.
Best FA Cup game i've ever seen.
Can't imagine how i'd feel if we hadn't been the winners though!
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December 14th, 2005
December 8th, 2005
06:08 pm
And Finally...
How good were Porcupine Tree last night? Fairly damn good i'd say! And Crazy will surely agree. Robert Fripp (the guitarist guy from King Crimson) was quite special, just sitting down with his electric guitar and a cabinet full of equipment yet nothing and noone else, and playing continuously for 40 minutes. No breaks, no words, no extras. Mesmerising.
Then PT. I was almost at the very front. The usual underage, medium length curly haired fools who seem to go to all the gigs that i see were in front of me, holding into the barrier. This time, one had brought his equally underage fiancee with him, which was strange as she didn't seem to enjoy it. I was a little stuck for a view at first, the guy at my front left (looking like the black guy from Sum41) having seemingly been high and proceeding to exaggeratedly headbang his way through the set, complete with expansive air drum kit, even for the mellow songs; and to my front right there being an exceptionally tall guy. But i was pretty much directly in Steven Wilson's line of sight for the most part, placing myself between the two. And i sang most of the words, and he seemed to acknowledge me during Arriving Somewhere...but not here. And at the end i shook his hand and walked away with a smile...
Roll on next year, they'll be back promoting their first ever live DVD. Looking forward to it!
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December 6th, 2005
03:37 am
"Which one of the Keith Jacksons was the other Keith Jackson?"
A moment of Commentary Genius direct from America there :)
Meanwhile, the Eagles are getting mauled by the travelling Seattle Seahawks...it's 35-0 to the visitors and it's not even half-time. Makes me feel happier about the recent drop in my own Steelers' form...
Eagles comeback anyone?
No.
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December 1st, 2005
07:46 pm
In 1994 at the annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS. The President Dr Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with legal complications of a bizarre death.
On March 23, 1994 a medical officer examined the body of Ronald Opus. He concluded that Mr Opus had died as a result of a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr Opus had jumped from the top of a ten storey building intending to commit suicide. He had left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
Ordinarily a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.
The fact that Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
In the room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast eminated, was occupied by an elderly couple.
They were arguing vigorously and the husband was threatening the wife with a shotgun. The husband was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr Opus in the head, on his way down.
When one intends to kill a subject "A" but kills subject "B' by mistake one is guilty of murder of subject "B"
When confronted with the charge of murder the old man and his wife were adamant and both said that they thought the gun was unloaded.
The old man explained that it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with an un-loaded shotgun during the course of their arguments. He had no intention to murder her.
Therefore the killing of Mr Opus appeared to be an unfortunate accident; that is, if the gun had been accidently loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the argument and fatal shooting.
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the ponpensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his Father would shoot his Mother.
Since the loader of the gun, was aware of this, he was guilty of murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisit twist. Further investigations revealed that the son was in fact, Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his Mother's murder on March 23rd 1994 he went to the the top of the ten story building and jumped off, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through the ninth story window.
The son had actually murdered himself.
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November 26th, 2005
03:55 pm - Hero Worship
Richard Burns, you were a true great. You will be surely missed.
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November 24th, 2005
11:32 am - Hmmm
New women's rights legislation in Sweden says that a husband must notify his wife in writing if he intends to replace the family car.
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November 18th, 2005
05:36 pm
Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
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November 16th, 2005
06:06 pm
"Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again: but already it was impossible to say which was which."
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November 9th, 2005
03:25 am
I was bored so i thought i'd translate a match report into American:
( Aston Villa 0 Liverpool 2 )
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